sigh

the last 56 hours have been not fabulous lol

woke up face down in the running shower after an unexpected seizure then spent my entire Monday at the ER

I’m slowly coming to the realization that I am going to be stuck dealing with these seizures for the rest of my life. my independence, my freedom, and my quality of life have all been significantly impacted

every single one of my seizures has happened while I was alone which is SCARY, what if I hit my head in the shower or drove off the highway into a tree and died???

I’m fucking terrified to be alone now but I also don’t feel well enough to do anything or go anywhere. but I don’t want to be stuck in my bed 24/7 either

at least I live with my family now and feel slightly less guilty asking my parents to drive me to the hospital lol but it still fucking sucks I have to ask other people for help rn 😦

I’m ready for some positive stuff to start happening in my life, it’s been very bleak, I feel like I spend every day just trying to kill time and survive until the next sunrise – which while hopefully finally be better than all of the previous ones lol

I don’t want to burden or trauma dump all of my thoughts and feelings onto any one person, so I don’t – I keep my thoughts in my head until I spill my guts out here on the internet because I no longer care and just need to get the thoughts out of my head and I know no one reads this so it’s fine